After four years of grueling work, little sleep and plenty of
hangover-induced fights with daylight, I graduated college. Though I wasn’t
particularly looking forward to announcing to the world that I was now
officially unemployed, I reluctantly pranced across a stage waving a piece of
paper to appease my parents.
And that’s it.
That was the last time my BA in Political Science was of any use to me. First
I blamed the economy. Then I blamed my major. Chances are, it was probably just
my fault.
1. It Really Belongs to Wikipedia
Let it be known to the world that I, Shalott
Cecchini, am a chronic procrastinator. And though I swear to change, every
semester ends up being exactly the same.
I start out with the best of intentions, I
really do. I read the syllabus, I buy the books, and sometimes I even show up
to the first couple weeks of class. Then as usual, I pretend I have better
stuff to do and just stop showing up.
Usually, this means that by finals week I’ve
submitted a variety of half-assed papers and know absolutely nothing about the
class.
Well, shit.
Lucky for me, Wikipedia holds the solutions to
99% of my problems. As it turns out, temporarily memorizing the entire history
of human rights violations conducted in Argentina in one night is much easier than actually reading the
books on your syllabus.
2. I Am A Dirty, Dirty Liar
Sometimes your procrastinating ways end up
biting you in the ass. Sometimes you forget to enroll for classes until the day
before the semester starts. And sometimes, that means taking a class on British
Satire with mandatory attendance at 6pm on a Friday night.
When I managed to score two tickets to a Blink
182 concert, I knew the only thing standing between me and a night of
unadulterated awesomeness was a 6pm British satire exam.
So I lied.
With perfectly calculated tears in my eyes I
proceeded to tell my professor the devastating news of my senile, albeit
favorite, grandmother’s overnight passing while vacationing in Bermuda.
Naturally, he understood that recovering the body of my newly defunct
grandmother from a foreign land was probably more important than some midterm
exam, so off to the concert I went.
3. Online Classes are Total Bullshit
To be completely honest, I’m actually quite
proud about this one.
As luck would have it, I discovered the
importance of filling your degree plan with useless online courses early on
during my stint in academia. Gone were the days of stumbling to class in my
pajamas (presuming I actually went to class). Every test was online, the
interwebz were my textbook, I was queen of the world!
4. I Know Absolutely Nothing About Anything
I wish I could pretend this wasn’t true. It’s
almost shameful. Almost. And then I
realize that though it still means I probably don’t deserve to have a degree,
this one wasn’t entirely my fault.
If the three previous examples are in any way
indicative of how alarmingly easy it is to fake it till’ you make it, then
chances are no else actually knows anything either.
Which, for the most part, makes me feel surprisingly
better about myself.
If you have done any internship work so far, you should know that most people have absolutely no idea what's going on either.
ReplyDeleteThe knowledge people do gain is niche and on-the-job. So buck up, because as long as you look good on paper then you'll find work. Then you might actually learn relevant things (but even if you don't, you'll be fine).
The real world is funny. Good first post btw, thumbs up.